Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
