I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
