you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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