I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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