i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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