Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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