I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
