Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
