at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
