I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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