He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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