if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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