in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
