No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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