she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
