Im at strip club and am horny
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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