when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
