Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
