: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need to calm my uterus...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
