I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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