I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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