shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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