I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
