I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Vodka?
Forever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
