I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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