Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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