I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
