Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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