Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
