So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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