She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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