She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
