(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
