Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
