im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
