I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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