he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
