She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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