everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
