using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
