When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
