just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
