You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
