Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
