I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
