so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
