There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
