I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
