:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
