He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
