eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
