Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
