If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
