I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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