I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
