According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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