I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
