I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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