So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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